Take Five: ‘The Opening of Misty Beethoven’
It’s sometimes been hailed as the greatest porn movie ever made. But how does it hold up nearly 50 years later? The five primary AE bloggers give you capsule reviews of this ’70s fave, The Opening of Misty Beethoven.
Chase
I had never seen this film prior to watching it for this review, but it definitely takes me back to the days when I was a kid and was able to get a porn video to watch with my friends. As kids we were always on the search for adult material and Jamie Gillis seemed to be in most of the movies when we were lucky enough to get a XXX movie. It’s funny the difference time makes, back in the day we would always fast forward through the back story to get to the hardcore stuff. Nowadays I think the storytelling of classic porn is a lost art; sometimes I find the story interesting. The video quality is pretty good for a 1975 movie. The second sex scene is a pretty erotic voyeur scene in the living room. I was a little surprised that we didn’t see a full “mile high” sex scene once the plane entered the scene. It always seems to be that people get so horny at those high altitudes. I’ve actually heard stories that the “live theater shows” like portrayed in this film are filled with a lot of backstage sexual tension so the story is fairly compelling. Lots of trademark hair on top and down below, trademark of the ’70s. Nostalgic porn of the past always seems to prove to be very popular; this film is a great example of that.
Dallas
If you were always wondering where the My Fair Lady porn spoof was hiding, well, The Opening of Misty Beethoven is here to save the day. Admittedly, watching this porn classic can be a jarring experience for those accustomed to modern pornography. These days, sex is the unabashed focus of adult entertainment, but in Beethoven’s era, an extensive plot was still a requirement for big-ticket porn. In this case, the focus is a tacky but cute sex worker (Constance Money) who is to be recast as next-level sex beauty extraordinaire by Jamie Gillis’s character. Realistically, Misty Beethoven is not a movie to watch when you want a quick erotic fix. The rhythms of pornography have changed too much over the years for it to be that. Instead, it’s a curiosity and historical document, to be viewed through the lens of the era in which it was made. (Props to Video Pix X for a remarkable high-definition remastering!)
Jackie Daytona
No, that’s not Chuck Norris playing 15 different roles; it’s just the 1970s! The men have thick, luxurious mustaches while the women sport rugged healthy bushes. If there’s one thing I know for sure in this day and age, it’s that you’re not hip unless you appreciate old grainy films with confusing titles. This actually counts double for old porno films. The Opening of Misty Beethoven has some charming comedic hijinks, but that’s not why we’re here, right? It showcases sex as it’s meant to be enjoyed: through a swampy forest (bush) of unbridled human passion to a funky ’70s soundtrack. Okay, that may just be the 1970s again, but that’s what makes throwbacks so enjoyable – the men, women, and sex look real. It’s not totally bombastic; there aren’t 12 inch cocks or scientifically enhanced boobies flopping everywhere. Don’t get me wrong, I love an oversized titty bouncing into the camera as much as the next guy, but a change of pace helps balance the soul.
Madison
Blast from the past sums up The Opening Of Misty Beethoven! From the hairstyles and clothing to the full-on bush and pornstache, this sexy comedy is a must-watch if you are intrigued by the golden age of porn. The movie is cheesy to the max but offers so much nostalgia it’s enjoyable to watch. Follow sexologist Dr. Seymour Love while he turns Misty Beethoven from a prostitute into a world-class lover! Keep in mind this is not the typical porn movie we are used to watching – there is a story line and more dialect than you’ll hear in today’s movies. The entire movie is entertaining but in my opinion not in a sexual way. One of my favorite scenes takes place around the eighteen-minute mark, Dr. Seymour is talking to a flight attendant about his return flight to New York and she gives him quite a few sexual options to select from. What would you pick? Follow along to see Misty transform into a one-of-a-kind sexual goddess!
Susan
We’re blasting back to the golden age of porn with the sensational title The Opening of Misty Beethoven. The best way to describe this film would have to be My Fair Lady but with less singing and more blowjobs. Watch Misty’s journey as she is transformed from an amateur working girl to a skilled and professional escort. I personally liked when Dr. Seymour brings Misty back to the hotel and after watching a good friend of his ride what appears to be a sailor tells her that she’s terrible at what she does. While this title doesn’t appear to be at all relatable I must admit that giving passengers on an airplane the option of complimentary sex or a blowjob people would be much more willing to fly (although this would certainly be impossible with today’s COVID traveling regulations). If you’re looking to watch something that is as much funny as sexy, I would highly recommend this vintage flick!
