Wood Rocket’s ‘Ten Inch Mutant Ninja Turtles’ Spoof Comes to DVD

Michelangelblow: “Pass me some pizza!”

Raph: “Do you want it with pepperoni?”

Michelangelblow: “I’ve already got a pepperoni. It’s long and green and it’s in my pants.”

If you don’t want to besmirch innocent childhood memories, you may want to steer clear of Ten Inch Mutant Ninja Turtles, but all lovers of pun-heavy porn parodies will probably find themselves crowing a “Cowabunga!” of delight. The movie, a Wood Rocket spoof of the ’80s cartoon series and comic book, is now available on DVD at Adult Empire, packaged with four equally zany porn parodies (including Fap to the Future and Strokemon).

The movie is so awash in louche porn wordplay, we almost don’t know where to begin. The theme song’s final flourish changes from “heroes in a half shall — turtle power!” to “heroes in a cock swell — turtle fingers!” Master Splinter is now “Master Sphincter,” Shredder becomes “Spreader,” Casey Jones is “Casey Bones,” and April O’Neil keeps her name and is played by . . . well, April O’Neil, of course.

“We made a porn parody that we think is funny and sexy and kind of weird,” director Lee Roy Myers told Complex. “We know that some people will love it, some people will hate it, and some people will masturbate to it. At WoodRocket, we take the saying, ‘Different strokes for different folks’ very seriously.”

Check out the trailer (which includes the lively dialogue quoted at the beginning of this post):

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