National Donut Day (The Naughty Version)
It all began with me yelling out loud, “Something smells damn good!” As I looked around 6th Street of Austin, Texas, amongst the bars and pizza joints, I see good old Voodoo Donut. I had heard, and seen through pornstar Instagram photos that they are known for having a cock-‘n’-balls donut. A big black cock-‘n’-balls donut, at that! My mind was made up. I needed the cock-‘n’-balls in donut form and hell, June 1st is supposedly National Donut Day, so even better.
As I walked in the smell was even stronger and the atmosphere was vibrant. A fake tree with donuts hanging from it, an American flag illuminated with light bulbs filling up an entire wall, and straight ahead, spinning dessert cases that I was hoping housed the big cock-‘n’-balls donut. As I approached the case, I wasn’t seeing what so was looking for, but the view was still glorious. Colorful donuts with interesting names and a large sign next to it that said CASH ONLY. Although a pain in the ass, for some reason I respect cash-only places.
I walked up to the counter and the best 10 second conversation of my day began…
Me: “Hello! Do you have any of the cock ‘n’ balls available? If so, gimmie one please! ”
Worker: “Sure do! For an extra $1 would you like that customized with writing.”
Me: “Oh my god. Yes! Absolutely. Make it say ADULT EMPIRE.”
Worker: “Any specific color?”
Me: “YES! Red and white, please.”
Worker: “I’ll even add sprinkles!”
As I walk away, my mind is giddy at the thought of sprinkles being added to my customized cock donut. As the worker comes back to present the donut, he begins to say, “Okay, here is your cock and…ohhh.” There was a little girl standing right next to me just staring directly at this customized edible cock. The worker retracted it back. It was a humorous moment, but the donut looked great!
And yes, the balls were cream filled.
As I’m eating this thing, which took too hands to pick up, I thought to myself how I fully support this cock donut, by why is this business making them? Just to draw people in, such as myself? Well it all started with Kenneth “Cat Daddy” Pogson and Tres Shannon who had been friends for a while. They always wanted to start a business together. Something that would fit into an extraordinary Portland Oregon business climate and would later be so successful that it would make its way to other cities, hence why I am eating vulgar donuts in Austin, Texas.
They wanted a business that was something fun, different, and one for the ages. DONUTS! They didn’t even know how to make donuts but after traveling around, getting a secret recipe down, they simply came to the conclusion that these donuts were going to be funky. They now sell the most conservative .95 cent cake doughnut to a $5.25 chocolate coated “Cock-N-Balls,” all in the interest of appealing to the whole family, and maybe their eventual bachelorette party as well. Co-founder Shannon has said, “That’s part of the whole idea, we appeal to everybody–from the loon to the toon,” Shannon says. “I never thought I’d say ‘Cock-‘N’-Balls’ 50 times a day.”
Even their famous trademarked saying printed on their famous take out boxes, Good Things Come In Pink Boxes, and their shirts that read, The Magic Is In The Hole, have a sexual vibe to them.
Even though these are low key innuendos, even children were enjoying these donuts. I looked around, and everyone just seemed happy. Even the homeless guy outside taking in the free smells of the donut air. I was all about it. These two founders dream came true. As I was realizing all this, I also realized that that the cock ‘n’ balls just wasn’t enough. I went back up to those spinning dessert cases to peruse the menu and discovered even more sexual innuendo sweet treats. There was no way I was passing them up, so I ordered them all. It was time for me to be gluttonous. As I sampled each sexual delight, it was hard for me not to think about each donuts name and how they related back to Adult Empire in some way. I guess that’s what happens when you work around porn. I’ve been out and about shopping, have seen a lemon juicer before and couldn’t help to think that it resembled a butt plug. It’s just how these things work! Moving on from my mindset, I could help but to think about the minds of these two business creators and how their open-mindedness to sex is raking them in the money. Sex sells, even in food form, and I bought in. I bought in heavily!
Here are a glimpse of the donuts and some relatable suggested DVD categories. Why not tie together porn and donuts!
THE GAY BAR
Raised yeast doughnut chock full of luscious Bavarian cream and topped with vanilla frosting and all the colors of the rainbow.
This is the perfect PRIDE donut! Voodoo has even donated monthly proceeds from this donut to local LGBTQ events.
Our suggested categories…
And don’t forget about the toys…
THE OLD FASHIONED GLAZED
Glazed cake doughnut.
A little “glaze” is what all the porn stars look forward to, right? This old fashioned greatness brings back the memories of the golden ages of porn…and grannies of course!
Our suggested categories…
Historical/Period Piece porn movies
THE BUTTERFINGERING
Chocolate cake doughnut with vanilla frosting and Butterfinger crumbles.
Using those digits for a little bit of masturbation never looked so tasty!
Our suggested categories…
THE GLAZED
Raised yeast doughnut with glaze.
Glaze, cum, jizz…no matter what you want to call it, it’s coating faces and filling holes!
Our suggested categories…
TRIPLE CHOCOLATE PENETRATION
Chocolate cake doughnut with chocolate frosting and Cocoa Puffs.
It’s kind of hard not to think of Greg Lansky’s BLACKED titles when it comes to this chocolate extravaganza. On top of that, triple penetration? Some are just satisfied with double, but we support things that come in twos and threes. Especially when it comes to filling holes! Plus, who doesn’t like a good threesome?
Double penetration porn movies
First Double Penetration porn movies
