Take Five: ‘Top Guns’ (Porn Movie Review)
The high-flying aces of Top Gun are back in flight, thanks to the recent sequel Top Gun: Maverick! Fly into the danger zone with our look back at the 2011 spoof Top Guns. The Adult Empire bloggers bring you five capsule reviews!
Chase
This movie starts with the obvious change to make it porn worthy: blonde babes are seated in the cockpit challenging the boys. Hot sex is always going to be a byproduct of stressful war games and long hours of practice. That tensions builds and builds, especially because these girls are ultra-hot and around so much testosterone. It was hard to believe there were no interruptions in the first sex scene. I find bar bathrooms are pretty busy places, but nobody needs the ladies room at this bar but the two lovers. The acting is decent in this movie and Tommy Gunn is perfect for this movie. The storyline of this movie was mostly girl vs. boy but that was necessary to make a porn version. It comes off as a real movie with some porn mixed in. The second half of the movie gets to the XXX action faster in the scenes. My favorite scene was Tommy Gunn and the five girls — what a lucky man! Give it a watch! You will be entertained and turned on for sure!
Dallas
The original Top Gun holds up surprisingly well as a slice of 1980s blockbuster entertainment. It’s silly and overblown, but Tom Cruise is charming, the music is catchy, and the visuals are slick. Top Gun’s porn parody, released in 2011, also stands the test of time as a memorable adult blockbuster. Notably, the visual effects are nothing short of remarkable for a porn movie. (And no, I’m not referring to the cosmetic enhancements of the movie’s stars, although those are impressive, too.) Kayden Kross’s gum-chewing Iceman (dubbed Hollywood here) is a pleasing variation on Val Kilmer’s original. The movie is also happy to lean into the homoerotic themes present in Top Gun, right down to the famous volleyball scene. (It eventually turns into a boys-versus-girls match in this case, though.) If there’s one minor complaint, it’s that the movie’s whiz-bang production value almost makes the sex scenes seem incidental at times.
Jackie Daytona
The first scene sees Jesse Jane getting nailed so hard her tits flop and flap and pancakes. It’s not surprising, there’s only one way pilots know how to fuck and it’s the same way they fly: with speed, accuracy, and power! Top Guns is both a tasteful dedication to the original and a delightful love letter to pilots across the USA. The pilots are all portrayed as ripped studs or sexy women, just like our military in real life. There is a recreation of the famous volleyball scene, a great decision considering volleyball is the world’s sexiest sport. Sand? Bikinis? Abs? Crevices? Yeah. They have a sick orgy at the end where the squad decides they should all bang each other at the same time since they’ve been doing it individually anyway. It’s a celebration of the true American way: gathering and fucking each other to completion to ease the unending stress of our jobs and lives.
Madison
Top Gun has always been one of my favorite movies so I couldn’t wait to watch the porn parody, Top Guns. This movie is full of top stars from 2011, Kayden Kross, Jesse Jane, Riley Steele, Stoya, and more! In the opening of the movie, I can hear “Danger Zone” playing in my head even though the music of the porn parody isn’t quite as good. Jesse Jane and Riley Steele look extra sexy in their pilot helmets and uniforms. In scene one, Erik Everhard serenades Jesse at a bar briefly singing “Lost That Loving Feeling” to which she replies “cute attempt” and then they end up getting it on in the bathroom. Scene five is my favorite! Jesse and Riley take on Kayden and Stoya to see who is the best female fighter pilot. This action-packed scene is full of hardcore flying action and even harder sex! I think the parody is great – it’s silly and fun and carries on the Top Gun movie quite well!
Susan
I’ve never seen the original film Top Gun so going into this I wasn’t entirely sure what to expect and didn’t have anything to base this parody on. The story follows a band of female pilots who have just been invited to compete in the top gun competition as the first-ever female team, and the stakes are high. This title has it all: drama, tension, and lots of thrilling action both in the air and on the ground. Watch as stars like Jesse Jane, Riley Steele, Stoya, Kayden Kross, and Selena Rose join together to take on the elite force of pilots and have lots of steamy sex along the way!
