Who is driving the van porn video

The Plot Thickens: Who’s Driving the Van?

“The Plot Thickens” is a continuing series of AE blog posts featuring a look at porn’s most entertaining, corny, and/or bizarre plotlines and sequences. (See previous installments here.)

Porn scenes often feature vans and other such roomy roaming vehicles. Maybe it’s the accommodating amount of space (ideal for quick romps in the back), maybe it’s the lack of windows (ideal for privacy), or maybe it’s the slightly pervy vibe that such vehicles tend to project. Bang Bus and other such famous gonzo-style series come to mind as prominent examples, but vans show up in notable features, too. Naturally, they usually have drivers . . . but a classic horror parody had an amusing alternate take on the porn van scenario.

Camp Cuddly Pines Powertool Massacre is a 2005 Wicked Pictures spoof that loosely satirizes slasher horror films from the 1970s and ’80s. The opening segment draws specifically on Texas Chain Saw Massacre, which startled audiences with its nerve-jangling intro featuring a sinister hitchhiker. Just as in that 1973 classic, a band of hip, free-love youths find themselves embarking across sparsely populated terrain in a quintessential 1960s hippie van. (The front of said van is splotched with stains that almost seems to evoke the splatter of cumshots! Well, it is a porn movie, after all.)

Jessica Drake, looking nearly unrecognizable in red hair and alt-girl gear, playfully needles the driver of the van while the nerdy Eric Masterson films the various goings-on with his camera. It’s a long trip, though, and Drake and friends quickly begin to feel restless. There’s no better way to pass the time than with some frisky fun at the back of the van, of course, and soon Eric is grinning with delight as he films the dirty deeds of two horny couples.

The vehicle is motoring along all the while, which is fine and dandy until . . . . cue the dramatic pause and comic double take . . . they realize that no one is driving the van! “I put it on cruise control,” the erstwhile driver screeches, unconvincingly. And really, when the mood strikes, can you really be bothered to attend to such details as to whether someone is behind the wheel? As they comically clatter up to the front to regain control of the wayward vehicle, they slam into a pedestrian, setting off the spooky events that consume the rest of the movie’s plot, in a nod to ’90s horror flick I Know What You Did Last Summer. (“Maybe it was a moose,” Stormy Daniels‘s character unhelpfully theorizes.) Watch the clip here:


Camp Cuddly Pines Powertool Massacre is also available on Adult Empire Unlimited (membership)!

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