The Plot Thickens: Lisa Ann, Lifeguard
“The Plot Thickens” is a continuing series of AE blog posts where we take a look at porn’s most entertaining, corny, and/or bizarre plotlines and sequences. (See previous installments here.)
Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water . . .
At its silliest, porn is well known for scenes that concoct any possible way to lead to sex. One of the most notorious and widely seen examples (thanks to a popular YouTube clip) is this sequence from Wicked Pictures‘ Boobwatch, a 2011 parody of TV’s Baywatch (a series so intrinsically corny that it practically screams for a porn send-up).
Scene three of Boobwatch is zany porn at its apex! Lisa Ann, clad in the classic Pamela Anderson one-piece that has made so many iconic beach runs, dashes down the hall and into the bathroom occupied by Rocco Reed. He’s simply relaxing in a tub, but according to Lisa, even such a mundane water-related task as that requires a lifeguard. “I’m not at the beach! This is a bathtub,” he protests, to little avail. Lisa is implacable and decides to stand guard in any case.
After some “dum dum” cello bowing worthy of a classic John Williams soundtrack, Lisa blows her whistle for all it’s worth and yells, “Get out of the water! There’s a shark!” Rocco can do little else but obey, of course, as Ann happily purrs, “Aren’t you glad you had a lifeguard here to save you?”
Thanks to repeated sharing via YouTube, this is certainly Boobwatch‘s most famous moment, but the movie as a whole is filled with equally entertaining scenes of overzealous lifeguards insintuating themselves into situations where they are not needed. Poor Danny Mountain is cited for the fire hazard of “burned weenies” (“Let’s see if there are any other burned weenies around here,” says Alektra Blue as she fumbles at Danny’s belt), Tommy Gunn is gagging on a fly and gets unneeded CPR (and a whole lot more) from Jayden Jaymes, and Dane Cross is informed of the dangers of washing your car in the driveway (“It looks like you’re just washing your car, but you never know when water will SPLASSSH!”). And yes, as entertaining as the intros for each scene are, the sex is just as memorable!