The Six Weirdest Sexually Suggestive Infomercials
As absurd as they typically are, infomercials are oddly hypnotic and sometimes compulsively watchable. They’re also often downright weird, loaded with bizarre dramatized scenes, outlandish hosts, excessively enthusiastic endorsements . . . and sexually suggestive products and sequences. Sex sells, after all, and that’s one thing infomercials never seem to forget, even if the results are usually inexplicable and strange. For Throwback Thursday, we take a look back at six of the most ridiculous examples of when sex and infomercials collided!
ExtaMax
ExtaMax is a penis-enlargement product, a forerunner to those “Gett hooge dick nowz” emails that are probably exploding in your Spam folder at this very second. The makers of the product have assembled a series of unabashed size queens, whose girl talk is presumably intended to inspire insecure men to pick up the phone and get some Extamax, pronto! In one particularly ludicrous sequence, the women mention their “grab test,” where they cop a feel at clubs and bars to make sure their potential lovers are sufficiently well-endowed. Couldn’t you buy them dinner first, or at least a bottle of ExtaMax?
StickyNips
Some products, like the hair-removal solution called “Nads,” sound sexual but in fact (mostly) serve more innocent purposes. StickyNips is a different case, though — it sounds weird and sexual, and it is weird and sexual. It’s designed for women who want the look of erect nipples without actually having to have erect nipples all the time. This sounds embarrassing, but the women featured in the commercial are predictably delighted with the results. As Clark Griswold said, a bit nipply out today.
Utouch
There are vibrators that pretend they aren’t vibrators (the Magic Wand could be a simple back massager, though we doubt anyone would believe you at this point), and there are vibes that embrace their true nature as devices made for pleasure. The Utouch seems mostly in the former category, but when these ladies begin to let loose and say things like “If you can touch it, you can relieve it,” the line becomes increasingly blurry. Another 30 seconds or so and we’re pretty sure the party depicted in this ad might turn X-rated!
Wonder Trim
This particular infomercial is all about re-caulking your bathroom, which certainly sounds innocent, doesn’t it? The opening line is “Replacing your caulk is such a messy, time-consuming chore.” Pedestrian, right? Okay, now say that one out loud! The Wonder Trim ad is awash in sentences that are made newly unsettling by the fact that “cock” and “caulk” are nearly homonyms.
Hot Buns
Hot Buns opts for the same weird tack as the Wonder Trim, loading up its airtime with a series of uncomfortable puns about buns. They’re talking about hair, of course, but you’d never know it! “It goes in fast and easy . . . it feels good . . . the secret is in the shaft.” Well, of course it is!
The Shake Weight
When we started researching this blog post, we really didn’t think that there would be products that would make it this easy. Can we all agree that this simply looks like two minutes of handjobs? Even if this product gave a person arms like Ed Hochuli, it still doesn’t seem like it would be worth it the sacrifice in personal dignity. This version is designed for men, but there’s a female-oriented variety, too, and both products were mercilessly and memorably parodied by Jimmy Kimmel.
Feautred image: Sven Scheuermeier/Unsplash
