Paltrow’s Latest Bad Advice: Putting Jade Eggs in Your Vag

In a memorable scene from Woody Allen‘s Annie Hall, protagonist Alvy Singer finds himself asking passers-by what they do to keep their sex lives interesting. “With your wife in bed, does she need some kind of artificial stimulation?” he queries one man strolling down the street. “We use a large vibrating egg,” the man responds, deadpan. Backing up slowly, Singer mutters, “Well, you ask a psychopath for advice, that’s what happens . . .” Similarly, if you’re consulting Gwyneth Paltrow‘s notoriously oddball lifestyle site Goop — yes, Goop — for tips and tricks, you shouldn’t be surprised to find bizarre suggestions for sexual health. The latest? Putting jade eggs into your vagina. The Washington Post checked up on this unusual bit of advice and discovered that — surprise, surprise — it’s not such a good idea after all.

An article on Goop presents the eggs as a pathway to a better sex life, ticking every box for New Age gobbledygook along the way: “The strictly guarded secret of Chinese royalty in antiquity — queens and concubines used them to stay in shape for emperors — jade eggs harness the power of energy work, crystal healing, and a Kegel-like physical practice. Fans say regular use increases chi, orgasms, vaginal muscle tone, hormonal balance, and feminine energy in general.” Available for purchase on Goop’s website, the eggs aren’t tiny, either, measuring up at about the size of a golf ball.

The Post asked gynecologist Dr. Jen Gunter to chime in on Goop’s claims about jade eggs. Well-kept secret of the ancients, or just more quackery? “The claim that they can balance hormones, is quite simply, biologically impossible,” Gunter said. “As for female energy? I’m a gynecologist and I don’t know what that is?” Leaving jade eggs in the vagina for extended times can also cause bacterial vaginosis or Toxic Shock Syndrome. “This is not good, in case you are wondering,” noted Gunter dryly.

Eggs of a considerably more hygienic and mainstream variety have already populated the sex toy market, though they are designed for stimulation rather than insertion. Tenga‘s collection of egg-style male masturbators come in an impressive variety of styles and appearances. No jade version, though! Kegel balls are another legitimate variation of the jade egg concept.

Featured image: Ellie O. (Unsplash)