A Complete Guide to AE’s Top Christmas Porn Movies

Passion is what you’ll find under the tree this year! In honor of the holidays, Adult Empire takes a look at the site’s five all-time bestselling Christmas-themed VOD movies. Are they hardcore adventures with enough XXX fun to make Scrooge smile? Or will they make you channel your inner Grinch? Santa Claus is definitely coming to town, and he’s expecting a lot more than just milk and cookies.

1

Dirty Santa

Release: 2014

Plot? Digital Playground compiles six episodes from one of its web series involving a teleportation Santa suit that is used for typically naughty purposes.

Festive atmosphere? Dirty Santa is loaded with Christmas atmosphere in virtually every scene, with the exception of Morgan Lee‘s (very tropical-looking) poolside romp. Just check out the gallery!

Trivia/oddities: The title plays on the mainstream fave Bad Santa and borrows some of its general themes. The movie also shares a title with Private‘s out-of-print 2010 Christmas adventure starring Aletta Ocean.

Synopsis madness: “After getting his butt whooped, Santa asks three guys, Tom, Dick and Harry to save Christmas by using his magical suit.”

Bottom line: Dirty Santa is a stocking stuffed with holiday fun, balancing festive atmosphere nicely with hardcore action. The go-to Christmas porn movie of the decade!

2

Christmas Spirit

Release: 2016

Plot? Christmas Spirit is formatted in the classic porn vignette style, with a series of lesbian-themed sequences focused on the holidays and gift-giving.

Festive atmosphere? Christmas Spirit’s holiday feel is more thematic than it is visual. Only two of the scenes are situated in the type of Christmas environment one might associate with a holiday movie. Humbug!

Trivia/oddities: Reena Sky‘s character is a modern riff on one of Christmas’s most classic misers, Ebenezer Scrooge.

Synopsis madness: “Will she revert to her lesbian tendencies and fuck her own stepdaughter like a Christmas wish cum true?”

Bottom line: Another solid effort from Girlsway, with the sensual lesbian action that has come to define their brand, although at times it’s easy to forget this one is Christmas-themed.

3

Gina’s Merry Christmas Orgy

Release: 2001

Plot? Gina’s having a Christmas party . . . and when the host is as sex-crazed as Gina is, things are bound to get interesting fast.

Festive atmosphere? Santa suits and hats abound, even if most of them get doffed pretty quickly.

Trivia/oddities: The movie is directed by Travis Knight, who was one of star Gina Lynn‘s most frequent directorial collaborators.

Synopsis madness: “In every room that Gina enters there is someone getting laid.”

Bottom line: AVN’s review of the film gives it tepid marks at best, noting that it’s a “Shelf filler and post holiday bargain bin.” And indeed, the movie is pure 1990s porn all the way, with silly dialogue and the classic shot-on-video look. Nevertheless, who could resist a Christmas party thrown by Gina Lynn?

4

This Isn’t Christmas Vacation: The XXX Parody

Release: 2010

Plot? The “Grizwalds” encounter all the same holiday difficulties they do in the famous 1989 hit . . . plus sex!

Festive atmosphere? The festive parts of the movie are confined mostly to the first scene, in which the Clark character decorates his house and then must contend with his uncouth eggnog-swigging “cousin-in-law.”

Trivia/oddities: The family is referred to as “Grizwald” on the back cover but “Dickwald” in IMDB’s cast list. (Why not Jizzwald?)

Synopsis madness: “Tis the season to be Horny.”

Bottom line: Produced at the tail end of porn’s golden age of parodies, Christmas Vacation XXX is a bit thin on production value but still manages to entertain, largely thanks to its association with the Chevy Chase original. It’s a bit nipply out indeed.

5

Hope Harper’s White Christmas

Release: 2015

Plot? Hope Harper finds herself getting into all sorts of Christmastime trouble in a signature series of family roleplay scenarios from Desperate Pleasures.

Festive atmosphere? Plenty of holiday set dressing sets the mood. Plus, frequent Desperate Pleasures performer Jack Moore (the leering grandpa seen on so many of the company’s covers) has always had a bit of the “pervy Santa Claus” vibe.

Trivia/oddities: The movie opens with rowdy, ribald version of the classic poem “The Night Before Christmas.” Title aside, Irving Berlin’s “White Christmas” doesn’t show up, but perhaps that’s a good thing.

Synopsis madness: “With a crazy old man beating his dick, I knew who was watching, it must be St. Nick.”

Bottom line: If family roleplay is your cup of Christmas tea, White Christmas will make for a very happy holiday indeed.

Browse more Christmas porn bestsellers here.

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