I’m so over Drake and his problem with ‘good girls’

by Coleen Singer at Sssh.com Porn For Women

I come from a culture of ‘good girls’. My mum’s favourite thing to say to me in order to keep me in line was, “Good girls don’t do ___ (insert whatever I was doing that was deemed wrong).”

I hated that. Hated it. I felt judged by virtue of whatever action I was committing. It felt controlling. And it felt like I had to aspire to some magical good girl standard in order to be accepted –  and to be frank, this good girl club felt boring as hell!

This bitch didn’t talk back, didn’t go out, didn’t sit ‘that way’, didn’t laugh out loud, didn’t wear ‘that’, didn’t cut her hair, didn’t talk to those boys, didn’t play ‘those’ games. And most of all she did not have sex. Especially not casual sex. She was a damn drag.

Enter our ‘nice guy’ Drake

Who is Drake?

Drake needs little introduction – despite only breaking through in 2009, he’s since become one of the most successful, beloved and divisive artists in the game (Kanye West recently described him as a “Rap God”.) At this point, he’s sold more than 5 million records internationally, holds multiple Billboard records and has earned a GRAMMY, six BET awards and three Junos. He’s also the second artist to have his first two top ten hits in the same week, those being “Best I Ever Had” and “Every Girl”, and his recent single “Hold On, We’re Going Home” has already been certified twice platinum.

During his brief four-year career (working professionally, that is), he’s already collaborated with the likes of Beyonce, Jay Z, Future, 2 Chainz, Lil Wayne, Migos, Rick Ross, Game, Nicki Minaj, Nas, Young Jeezy, J. Cole, Lenny Kravitz, Bun B, Sampha, Justin Timberlake, Jhene Aiko, Andre 3000, The Weeknd, Alicia Keys and more.

Most recently, he designed special edition Jerseys for the Toronto Raptors and signed a deal with Jordan sneakers, introducing elements of his own October’s Very Own brand / label in both ventures. He also announced a philanthropic project that being the building of a recording school in an inner-city Philadelphia high school. Who would’ve thought a Jewish Canadian kid from Degrassi: The Next Generation could’ve made it this far?

Drake has built somewhat of a reputation of being the ‘nice guy’ of hip hop. Those soulful eyes, that smooth voice, being friends with Nicki Minaj (our friendly pop feminist), coming from Canada. Of course having catchy music helps too. Before you can even understand what he’s rapping about you’re already bopping to the beat. You’re taken away. You’re his fan.

I was his fan.

Then I actually listened to the lyrics of Hotline Bling – his new single – and a song that is so damn catchy I’m listening to it on repeat as I write this. Alas, it was during one of these listens that I noticed Drake throwing around the word ‘Good Girl’ like it was going out of style.

Let’s break it down

So I get it, Drake is like the black, male Taylor Swift, writing about his break-ups and acting all nice. But is he really nice? After examining his lyrics he just comes across as some passive aggressive dude, condescendingly slut shaming his ex-girlfriend for moving on and living her life.

 

He talks about her supposed reputation and how it’s affecting him:

Ever since I left the city,

You got a reputation for yourself now

Everybody knows and I feel left out

Girl you got me down, you got me stressed out

 

He sings about her wardrobe:

‘Cause ever since I left the city,

you started wearing less and goin’ out more

 

About what she drinks and who she hangs with:

Glasses of champagne out on the dance floor

Hangin’ with some girls I’ve never seen before

 

About who she may or may not be sleeping with:

These days, all I do is

Wonder if you bendin’ over backwards for someone else

Wonder if you’re rollin’ up a backwoods for someone else

Doing things I taught you, gettin’ nasty for someone else

You don’t need no one else

 

And of course, about her ‘new’ status:

Used to always stay at home, be a good girl

You was in a zone, yeah

You should just be yourself

Right now, you’re someone else

Don’t hurt yourself while rolling your eyes ladies

I know I almost did. ‘Good girls’ stay at home, don’t have sex and cover up more? Uhm… Oh wait, there I go again, rolling my eyes. Drake dresses himself up and the vulnerable nice guy to hide his deep misogyny. He doesn’t have the usual drama surrounding the other hip hop misogynist men so it’s easy to think that he means well, and actually cares about women’s wellbeing. Since he so often sings about how he likes his women independant. In fact he doesn’t even mind if she’s a stripper (yay sex workers!) and admires how us women can take care of ourselves. Just as long as we remember that we still need to be saved by him. Oh and don’t we dare go out and have casual sex because then we’ll swiftly be knocked off of our ‘good girl’ pedestal – even if Drake was the one that walked out on us, or treated us badly.

I’m so tired of this shit perpetuating itself. It’s time we get rid of this stupid ‘good girl’ trope. My self worth should not depend on how much sex I have, what I drink or who I hang out with. At the very least, for every annoying, albeit catchy song put out by Drake, there is an equally catchy female empowerment song put out by Queen Bey and Lady Minaj! And Drake… I am watching you…

Coleen Singer is a writer, photographer, film editor and all-around geeky gal at Sssh.com, where she often waxes eloquent about sex, porn, sex toys, censorship, the literary and pandering evils of Fifty Shades of Grey and other topics not likely to be found on the Pulitzer Prize shortlist. She is also the editor and curator of EroticScribes.com. When she is not doing all of the above, Singer is an amateur stock-car racer and enjoys modifying vintage 1970s cars for the racetrack. Oh, she also likes porn.