Another New Twist On ‘Auto-Eroticism’

The following blog post was composed by Coleen Singer at Sssh.com Porn For Women

If you’re a regular reader of my posts, on top of needing a better way to spend your idle time, you know there’s (perhaps surprisingly) nothing particularly unusual about people trying to fuck cars.

Typically, car-fucking comes in the rather predictable form of a man sticking his penis into some hapless automobile’s exhaust pipe, or for the less adventurous, simply rubbing their crotch against a smooth, sexy fender might do the trick.

What you hear about a lot less often, however, is an arrangement wherein the car is the one doing the penetrating, whilst its human partner plays catcher for a change. (For obvious reasons, this potential configuration is not recommended for vehicles which are already moving at the moment of attempted penetration.)

Because The Dealership Won’t Permit “Test Rides,” I Assume?

If you’re trying to get it on with the tow bar of a camper van in the middle of the street at 1:30am, I’m assuming two things: (1) you don’t own a camper van of your own (or you do, and it has already rejected your unwanted advances) and (2) you’re really, really keen to put a camper van’s tow bar up your butt.

While you might find it unfair, my guess is the guys down at the RV & Van Emporium wouldn’t appreciate you going all reverse cowboy on the back of one of their airstreams, either, so we all understand your opportunities to try trailer hitch-humping for the first time are pretty limited.

Still, the fact it’s difficult for you to explore your vehicular sexual fantasies is no excuse to go wandering about Newquay looking for unsuspecting camper vans to shag; that’s much more of a Ladywood thing.

Choosing a Partner: Best to Bonk Unoccupied Vehicles, Methinks

Far be it from me to tell other people how to live their very public sex lives, but from an ethical, practical and legal perspective, regardless of the make and model of car which tickles your fancy, I think it’s best to stick to vehicles which have nobody in them at the time of your “seduction,” so to speak.

Granted, the RV assaulted by the Cornwall Creep technically wasn’t occupied at the time, but being parked right outside its owner’s home is the same thing, for all intents and purposes. Plus, it’s hard for me to imagine someone being particularly quiet about having a trailer hitch lodged in his ass, even if his butt and the RV’s shock absorbers have been properly lubed.

Beyond that, as car-fucker (or wannabe car-fucker) even if you aren’t particular about having privacy during your sexual encounters, please understand other people are picky about such things. So, even if you have found a willing and like-minded camper van partner, please keep your sexual dalliances confined to your own garage.

Remember: Not All Trailer Hitches Are Created Equal

While I’m sure most car-fuckers say size doesn’t matter, once you get into anal sex with trailer hitches, I’m inclined to disagree.

Look, it’s one thing to slide the relatively petite bulb of a Volkswagen microbus up keister, but it’s a whole other kettle of rectal fissures to anally mount the hitch ball of a 26-foot moving truck. In a context like this, size doesn’t just “matter,” it could easily become a question of life or.… Well, probably not death, but at the very least, one or more highly awkward trips to your local urgent care.

My advice would be to start small, perhaps starting with Toyota pickups, then gradually moving your way up to crossover SUVs, before you even consider coupling with a cargo van or box truck.

Done right, using one’s own property and always showing respect for the vehicle’s own proclivities and preferences, I have little doubt car-fucking can be an exciting and rewarding practice. Just don’t ask me to watch – and be sure to keep your filthy nether parts off my Forerunner, or with God as my witness, I’ll fire up the engine and back that sucker all the way up your rectum.

See more of Coleen Singer’s works at http://www.sssh.com – The web’s original Porn For Women site.

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