I hate how the mainstream media portrays sex parties

The following blog post was composed by Coleen Singer at Sssh.com Porn For Women and Couples

Before going to sex parties myself, I always envisioned sex parties to be filled with some strange subset of women who were ridiculously horny and obviously somehow damaged. Because which self respecting woman would agree to go to a sex party right?

Clearly I had issues.

This image was a combination of shit my mum told me, nay drilled into my head about sex, cultural influence, and the way the mainstream media portrayed sex and sex parties. I mean, if any relationship veered away even a little from the regular monogamous, husband-wife combo, it was set up as a ‘lesson’ and in the end the best thing one could do was to go back to what you had.

The wild party

Sex parties are the worst though. They’re either set up as some Eyes Wide Shut like situation with outrageous costumes, over the top glamour and ridiculously beautiful people just waiting to fuck you. Or it’s a comical situation. Or again, some kind of lesson. And it’s annoying as hell. Because anyone who has actually been to a sex party knows this isn’t true. I mean, sometimes it can have costumes, or be filled with beautiful people, or be very glamorous or all of the above. But that is rarely always the case.

And the people who attend these parties are always these wild, party animals of some sort, sexually crazy, just ready to jump everyone’s bones, and if they’re a couple, then this couple has the most balanced, open, non-jealous relationship ever, with lines like, “You like my wife? Go ahead, fuck her. She likes it…” And the woman is always ever horny and ready to be thrown to another man, like an interchangeable object.

Anyone who has actually been to a sex party knows that for the most part, and I might be wrong here (I haven’t been to all the parties), the woman is in charge. Should any man just offer me up to another man without my consent I would slap the shit out of him.

The reality

I’m not saying that sexy fucking, and all out erotica doesn’t happen at these parties. Obviously it does. Perhaps my beef lies with the way the people who attend these parties are portrayed? Like any person who attends these parties must clearly be dealing with some kind of trauma that prevents them from connecting with another human being, instead they’re broken, doomed to have casual sex and enjoy it. With every portrayal of some ‘awesome’ sex party, it also comes with an underlying lesson to be learned – you give in to your ‘sin’ and you will pay for it in the future.

It’s fucking bullshit.

I’ve been to enough parties and have met some of the most well balanced, cool people there. Sure there are some who are over the top, but then again that’s just the world in general. I would venture to say that I’d rather hang at a sex party because there is more respect for women at these parties than at a regular party. It feels so much easier to head up and talk to someone because people are friendlier and open to meeting others. And most importantly, there is so much less judgement.

People attend for many reasons

From what I’ve read or watched in movies or TV, you’d think as soon as you step into a sex party you’ll be overrun by horny people looking to get into your pants. But anyone who’s ever been knows that no one would ever do that to you. No consent, no dice. And the reason people go are as varied as people itself. I’ve seen couples attend because they want to explore something new and spice things up. People attend because they’re curious. Because they’re horny. Because they feel at home. Because this is the place they can explore their sexuality without being judged. And most of all, women attend not because they’re forced to, or because they’re ‘broken’ or whatever. They attend because they fucking can. Because we enjoy sex as much as the next guy.

I’ve had vanilla friends who are curious about attending a party but scared to. Mostly thanks to what they see and hear in the mainstream media. You can hear them sigh in relief when they are told they don’t have to have sex if they don’t want to. That they can just come and observe. That for the most part it is almost like going to a regular party, except sex.

I know that this article isn’t going to solve this issue. It’s far more easy to sell papers or shows when sex parties are over the top, and it’s much more safer for the traditional family dynamic if only ‘broken’ people are seen as enjoying sex like they do at sex parties. And of course much easier to control women by making a woman who is in charge of sexuality look like she is sex crazed and damaged. But slowly… perhaps if we keep trying things might change. Here’s to trying at least.

Coleen Singer is a writer, photographer, film editor and all-around geeky gal at Sssh.com (porn for women and couples) and Wasteland.com (Kinky BDSM Sex Movies) where she often waxes eloquent about sex, porn, sex toys, censorship, the literary and pandering evils of Fifty Shades of Grey and other topics not likely to be found on the Pulitzer Prize shortlist. She is also the editor and curator of EroticScribes.com. When she is not doing all of the above, Singer is an amateur stock-car racer and enjoys modifying vintage 1970s cars for the racetrack. Oh, she also likes porn.

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