So This Is What Early Humans Were Up To . . .

You’ve heard of the world’s oldest profession, but what about the world’s oldest sex toy? According to the New York Daily News, Germany’s University of Tubingen has pieced together what it believes to be a 30,000-year-old dildo. The stone shaft also doubled as an object to strike against flints. Brings new meaning to “quest for fire,” doesn’t it?

It was discovered in twelve pieces in Ulm, Swabia and painstakingly reassembled by the University’s research team. We’re guessing early humans probably could not have imagined the array of contemporary dildos their simple, functional creation would eventually inspire! Though it’s difficult to say for sure what the object’s primary use was, researchers believe it was used as a sex toy due to its highly polished surface and crowned tip.

Perhaps if Stanley Kubrick had known about this, the famous jump cut in 2001: A Space Odyssey would have shown an entirely different sort of transition.